by Frank Iodice
The other day, I queried God (who has a secret Facebook account under a code name that I am not allowed to reveal): “Why is the main color of Facebook’s pages deep blue?”
He explained to me: “Blue inspires trust; it sends a message to the users and encourages them to sign up. However, if you read some articles on specialized reviews, you will find out that they studied every little detail in order to trap you, my son. Those bastards did calculate everything!”
It seemed to me that God hated Social Networks.
“Three milliards people have at least one account. I had to sign up too; I had to be up with times! And do you know why? Have you ever asked to yourself who has the benefits of this enormous audience? When I was at school, children used to say: I do what everybody does! It did not make sense to me; this is the reason why I became God. I prefer not to do what others do and to be nonconformist realizing what I really like. This is the first rule to be happy, everyone knows”.
“Yes God, it is true,” I replied. “We easily forget it though.”
“Any dictatorship”, he went on saying, “any religion, have never been so successful in controlling such a number of people! Our information belongs now to Facebook; we permitted it signing a contract and clicking on agree”.
By the way, God was right: it is our fault.
“What this means is”, he said, “that I had to and wanted to sign up because I hope to understand how Facebook achieved such a control over the masses. I couldn’t believe that these engineers had accomplished with the divine projects, and others – like me – had failed!”
It sounds so strange, I thought. God infiltrating amid competitors’ believers. He had to be exasperated to tell everything to the first poor guy passing by! I asked him if he was going to do a market research, analyzing people’s accounts, and pushing them to move back to Christianism.
“My son”, he said, “you didn’t understand! This is exactly what they do… This is called unfair competition!”
“Oh, come on God! Everything’s going to be all right. You will have back your followers. Trust this new Pope. He is fancy, people love him”.
Then God switched to another subject.
“Communication,” he said, “is made by words and silence. During the silences, you elaborate the words. Human relationships are based on vicinity and distance. When we are far away from the person we love, we desire having him or her by us, and so we love much more each other. Now, this fucking Facebook…”
“… The thing is, that Facebook overthrew these distances and silences. It tries to deceive us convincing us that we need to know everything about everybody and in every single day. This seems to be a Social Madness! Life that I gave you is not that predictable. It’s full of little marvels you can run into any time! Who tries to handle your thoughts, just wants to sell them to advertisements companies. However, those few of you who did not fall for it could help their brothers and sisters to open their eyes”.
“How could this plague happen?” I questioned.
“It happened for dirty money-making purposes. While you post kitties and babies on your wall and you waste your energy in front of the screen, Facebook sells your emotions to the best dealer, whose need is to propose specific ads. Now imagine, my son: you could be so dangerous to these people, if you hadn’t given all your liveliness into the virtual life!”
“Have you got a kitty?” I asked. We had been chatting for one hour. I was quite tired.
“Of course, I have it. It’s a female, her name is Angela. Anyway,” he concluded, “it never existed over the centuries such a trusty means to handle human will, turning off your strength, jading you for hours per day while pouring out your frustration through those little blue windows! I tried to ask thousands of friendships, but when I introduce myself, people distrust me. They don’t want to listen to anybody talking about serious matters and they don’t want to be my friends!”
“Forgive them. They don’t know who you are, otherwise, they would try to negotiate real life with the virtual one!”
I must admit now that I wouldn’t expect such a humanity by God in person. If I had chatted longer with him, maybe, I would have converted myself too!